Dearest Pan

Creamy Delight

2010-09-23T20:49:00.001-07:00

Creamy Delight by Must.love.teddy.bears on Polyvore.com

A WORLD OF MY OWN

2010-09-18T12:02:00.001-07:00

, originally uploaded by olivia rose lanier.

Eggs

2010-09-01T19:43:00.001-07:00

Eggs by Must.love.teddy.bears featuring high waisted shorts

Bee

2010-08-31T22:06:00.001-07:00

, originally uploaded by DYLAN SHAW.

Listening to Mozart

2010-08-31T22:04:00.000-07:00

The house is quiet yet i'm the only one awake and aware. It is ten o'clock and I want to remember that this day was full of anguish, discovery, and knowledge. This day will never be the same after two hours. I filled with everything I could. This day was the only day full of what I could do or say or improve upon myself. This is the last time of August 31, 2010.

Do we take advantage of what is there?

Did we realize each day is always the last?

This date will never be the same until thousands of years from now when we're dead?

I know this is morbid but it brings the fact of trying to treasure what is in front of our noses. We should care.

But we don't.

Sustenance

2010-08-29T19:10:00.003-07:00

Sustenance, originally uploaded by czechoslovakia.

Frozen in time

2010-08-29T19:10:00.001-07:00

, originally uploaded by lucas regazzi.

Reality isn't what it used to be

2010-08-29T18:52:00.001-07:00

I'm tired of it. I can't stand it. Only my swollen notebooks understand because I abuse them to the point the pages rip and the ink bleeds. Nothing it enough.

Figure it out. I have to figure it out before I go.

Day Forty-One: Wash Away

2010-07-27T22:55:00.001-07:00

Day Forty-One: Wash Away, originally uploaded by alongfortheride.♥.

Three weeks left. WHY?!

INCEPTION

2010-07-21T13:01:00.001-07:00

INCEPTION, originally uploaded by WarnerBrosMovies.

This movie changed my perception of reality. It will never be the same.

Wonderful

2010-07-17T22:51:00.001-07:00

_MG_6133, originally uploaded by Pascal Grob.

Oh Baby

2010-07-15T19:19:00.001-07:00

Oh Baby, originally uploaded by mmnorthwoods.

Too much cuteness in such a small photo!

Today I went to UC Merced and it was quite interesting. This school is relatively new and has a lot of advantages as a school with better buildings for housing and green environmentalism.

It almost seems too good to be true.

But then I am going to be a major in animation.

This sucks because this school has a very miniscule arts program.

A Soldier's Wife

2010-07-13T13:05:00.001-07:00

, originally uploaded by sylvain-emmanuel .P.

Horse, trees, castle symmetry

2010-07-12T13:26:00.001-07:00

Horse, trees, castle symmetry, originally uploaded by texturedJohn.

Cool.

Neuschwanstein

2010-07-11T13:18:00.001-07:00

Neuschwanstein, originally uploaded by pierre pouliquin.

Lovely castle that I want to visit. I would serve the servants for a day while riding the banisters with my best friends. Everyone would be given little tarts and candies. It would be full of cream and chocolates everywhere you look. no one would be left out.

The White Rabbit.

2010-07-10T07:32:00.001-07:00

The White Rabbit., originally uploaded by woodlandfaerie.

Alice in Wonderland: White Rabbit - Long Live the Queen

2010-07-09T10:34:00.001-07:00

Alice in Wonderland: White Rabbit - Long Live the Queen, originally uploaded by Brandon Christopher Warren.

Oh Alice dear where have you been?

Yosemite?

2010-07-08T08:44:00.001-07:00

, originally uploaded by ffîon.

I wish. This reminds me of how lush and spread out the world is. Why is it so far away?

Baby Albino Whitetail Deer Fawn

2010-07-05T14:15:00.001-07:00

Baby Albino Whitetail Deer Fawn, originally uploaded by mmnorthwoods.

Happy July Fourth

2010-07-04T17:22:00.001-07:00

IMG_1190, originally uploaded by ShannonTyree.

spillers records

2010-07-02T10:17:00.001-07:00

spillers records, originally uploaded by tess roby.

First day of July!!!!!

2010-07-01T21:19:00.001-07:00

, originally uploaded by Elina Nilsson.

Into the woods

2010-06-30T19:31:00.001-07:00

, originally uploaded by hiveridian.

Another day where the creative process has taken a turn for the best. Written excerpts and poems today. I was inspired by "The Time Traveler's Wife" constantly. I saw visions of life and beauty in a magnifying glass today. It was worthwhile. But I worry about not going anywhere for awhile. Staying in the house is not healthy.

2010-06-29T21:57:00.001-07:00

, originally uploaded by minato.

Emily likes deer. I doubt she'll see this but this is for her. I'm glad they are at least happy.

Polaroid 177

2010-06-28T15:06:00.001-07:00

Polaroid 177, originally uploaded by rob.spicer.

This is truly remarkable. Now I want to ride an airplane to India. I guess another addition to my list of places to go.

Flickr

2010-06-28T15:04:00.001-07:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

.....

2010-06-27T23:04:00.000-07:00

The Story of a Thimble

Dreaming of tiny pearls and smokeless underwater nights

awaits a silver thimble familiar to childhood

bitter memories decay by the hours

caring for a story hidden by the shade and sand

a family visited the seaside every summer

three children formed their castles over the years

one evening, eldest June met her lover

known for her curly raven locks and sea green tears

they met at the cliffside for the last time

deaf to the black skies welcoming them

sending his love through a thimble

placing a chain around June's neck

misunderstood lightning interrupted their kiss

both fell into the ocean

only the thimble marked their deaths

haunting the sea in its brass seal

folks note that lost lovers return to this same point

some souls unfortunate to find the treasure

meeting lovely black storms to carry the same fate

instead they're saved by two spirits

ghost hands guide the young

hollow eyes following their safety home

the dead lovers care as a reminder

the story of the thimble

Quote

2010-06-23T23:26:00.001-07:00

The Longest Dy of the Year-Summer solstice AND Father's Day

2010-06-20T16:13:00.000-07:00

Good thing that I celebrated Father's Day yesterday because watching a sun rise from the mountains was breathtaking. I watched the beginning of the longest day of the year commence in front of my eyes and it was amazing. The sky was full of periwinkle blues, rosy reds, mango oranges, and lastly butter yellows. The sky was this little canvas of an artist's dream because it had everything.

When the sun was peeking out of the purple mountains, the world seemed so magical and dreamy because that sun was this sphere of power. This sunrise was like a beginning of a really good novel, getting fresher every time you turn the pages.

So I spent time with my significant other, watching this sunset until I fell asleep like the night owl I am. But I was happy to oblige when I was treated to these delicious waffles. YUM!

The day ended with a movie, poetry, and a nap but it ended all the same.

Almost Father's Day

2010-06-19T12:19:00.000-07:00

Well, not much to say. After being out of school for about two weeks, I am glad to say that I will be experiencing my first sunrise tomorrow at five in the morning on the 'official' father's day. Being a night owl, I am kind of cringing at the thoughts of getting out of a perfectly nice bed but reminding myself that it'll be worth it. Think of it as another adventure I keep repeating. I know that seeing that sun peek out from its mountains will be so worth it. I just have to remember that I need to bring my little digital camera to capture it all! Then bringing other little goodies, it'll be all worth while.

On other news, I also have the urge to go to Paris right now. In fact, I am DYING to go on an airplane and travel to the luggage carts and visit the city of love along with its country sides and bustling cities. I could almost taste the delicate pastries full of sweet and hearts. I would wander across the squares and make a million sketches in my journal, keeping details of it all. I would giggle at the sudden changes of people in the city, looking at the refreshed airs of the citizens who call it home.

Maybe i'm thinking too hard because I am excited to say that I slept in until ten o'clock. I don't know how it happened because I live in a house full of early birds and I managed to sleep through all their calls and yells. A feat I take pride in. This usually happens about once a year safe to say.

But the picture I chose because I want to wear a cute knitted sweater with a blazing red ribbon for the sunrise but it is way too hot for helios in the summer. So safe to say that I would wear this in the future use, got to remember this Dearest Pan! Ribbons are a stretch but maybe one day I will when my hair is long and full of luster!

All this while drinking a nice cup of hot chocolate!

Pictures!?

2010-06-18T13:04:00.000-07:00

A few Photographs I took myself. These are about six months old at best.

It's time to read people!

2010-06-17T18:58:00.000-07:00

Even though these are records, I make my point. I am now starting my dreaded summer reading meaning I am reading the Scarlet Letter. Armed with the aims to do this, I have read two chapters of the 200 something pages of the book. So far, so good.

But in other news, I am planning to have a cool and rather early start of the day because I am planning to see my first ever sunrise. Haha! I am fearing for my life about this but I will enjoy it nevertheless. How short, everything is right now writing all this.

Oh well.

Almost finished with Dorian Gray

2010-06-11T21:09:00.001-07:00

D-Day

2010-06-06T12:18:00.000-07:00

Chasing Ghosts

Chasing ghosts is hard to determine
whether you're asleep or awake
because they exist while they can't can't
waiting for our eyes to close

Sometimes ghosts will watch our backs
making us forget ourselves
an accident marks an after
where the lost ones are found

the ghosts who help us live
remind us of the night
only a thousand stars will
recite the ties that hold us

making the world go round
transparent connection
chasing ghosts is breathless
and unlimited with time

Sad Saturday

2010-06-05T10:04:00.000-07:00

Today I feel a little left out because people are taking their SATs today. I was going too also but I was very late on signing up and there was no spots left. So today is sad saturday for me. But I will be going to a birthday party today so it will all be made up I think.

But I was thinking about how music can call everything together and hold everyone together like a puzzle. All these pieces are figured out slowly but surely when you imagine the whole picture inside your head. Many things can work like this together especially when you imagine simple things like friendship and family. All these values come together but we don't know how it happens.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I really, really like this quote

2010-06-03T07:34:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day

2010-05-31T21:45:00.000-07:00

Every year, I always dread going to the Tracy cemetery. But this year, it seems much more when I realized how long and drawn out the service for veterans was for a musician. I am not saying that it was bad but.....it was longer than it should of been. The reason I say this is because there was three speakers for the service: a chaplain, a Lieutenant, and a mayor. For the three hours I was there, the mayor was brief and to the point while the other two were dragging it out miserably. When I say this, I mean that I was happy when the speech was over and I was ready to go home.

Then seeing all the flags on graves was meaningful. I saw a lot of people supporting their servicemen and friends. I was amazed at how people come together on a day like today. Even despite a few dilemmas such as the wind picking up some people and make them fly away, I saw all these hot air balloons in the sky and motorcycles driving across the roads. It was a matter of magic.

Then after getting home, I was whisked away to Modesto and came to a beautiful house full of a family with hair the color of angel's skin. I was welcomed with barbacued chicken and sweet herbed bread on my plate. I was met with these little fairies who loved to be the center of attention. Those young little sprites giving us so much joy to us while we played in the yard with their dog.

So today was an all right day. I hope there is more to come.

Lavender Wreaths

2010-05-29T19:45:00.000-07:00

Today I created a beautiful wreath with my own two bare hands. It was handcrafted with fresh Lavender cut from the farm I was next to, taking my time forming the wreath with flowers like so. It took awhile in the morning, shaping the flowers into a heart, making little bouquets where I would put them on a mold. I had so much fun while awaiting patiently to create a whole new creation of my own. It was something.

Tracy Band Awards 09-10

2010-05-28T15:19:00.000-07:00

So this year, Tracy High has this band awards ceremony for the kids in the bands at Tracy High School program. This year, since our main director at the school had disappeared, this might've not have happened. But lucky for this year, we lucked out on having a very generous teacher be determined to make this award ceremony happen which it did.

It was amazing. It was a joined effort of the community having all this mass attention of parents and students helping one another. There was so many people celebrating. Everyone was polite. The mood of the main gym was light and free with no seriousness going on. There was so many awards given out to the ten to twelve seniors.

Everyone seemed to go upstage at least once. I think that was good because it made everything go smoothly and happily. I was surprised with the evening. I didn't believe the whole evening would be so light-hearted and fun. I was pretty surprised with all the varieties of awards. I had been so graciously given two awards from the night. I was voted 'most inspirational' and got a nice little plastic trophy. Then I got a silly band award for switching for an instrument which the band counsel gave me a nice little silver hat and another little trophy. All adorable, I presume.

But the varieties of awards included our own "prom" court such as a freshmen, sophomore, and junior prince and princess, a king and queen for seniors, best hair, best shades, most comedic, and most improved among many more. It was also a plus that afterwards the whole audience from band awards could pig out on all these wonderful loads of ice cream and rootbeer.

So it was a good time.

Past, Present, and Future

2010-05-26T21:03:00.000-07:00

Did I ever believe time could go so quickly? No! I thought time would be measured in minutes, seconds, or hours, months to years. But on the contrary, I now know time is measured in the moments you treasure and how you make them matter to you. It also is important to note that taking the time to remember these moments is to see and review the past. In a way, you do all this through time not knowing if it was part of any of these three things.

I guess what I am trying to say through all that mess up above is school has erased all the purpose from me and it only took a few moments of being with friends and talking to people while not worrying about anything is really important. I don't want to forget that ever.

It is like watching all the beads in an hourglass tipping over slowly. Everything is there and you can't do anything but watch and wait patiently for all the pieces to come out. Yet, there is some pieces left, waiting to come out.

Where the wild things are

2010-05-25T16:56:00.000-07:00

She is so adorable and I love her little hat. Just seeing this makes me want to write a cute song with a swinging guitar and wear her furry hat!

Time to inspire

2010-05-24T16:33:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I got a letter from A School of the Art Institution of Chicago and got this cootie catcher, trying to convince me to go the college. I thought it was rather odd for a college. But it was an art school and it was fun to make. But going all the way to Chicago? It would be different. I also liked telling everyone on facebook seeing different responses from friends and see people like it. Well, I guess it was a good thing since they liked it.

Title or no title?

2010-05-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

Last week of school in California and summer is going to arrive in four short days. I didn't even think about plans except finish this year,and in a blink of an eye, it's going to be done. So I chose this quirky photo to inspire the best I can to write everything down and have fun for a change since there is no homework or tests or quizzes to worry about. Wow, school is going to be over in a few days and it took me this long to realize this. Even typing this is a weird feeling because it declares an ending and a sense of hope for people. I never really thought this year was going to end.

The reason I say this because in the beginning of the year I left out that I tried playing marching band and it was hard with IB classes at school while balancing everything with the massive construction at the school. Right now, the center of the school was all dirt and rocks after a huge wreck at the end of the school year before. I digress that the piles of dirt have been formed into walls of concrete and skeletons of next year. It is a wonderful thing to know that the center of school will become this fortress of school and newness for a change.

Along with this construction, I also suffered from all these walks from one end of school to the other but it was nothing by the end. I also knew that this year was interesting after my music instructor had left the campus the day of a concert and in the middle of a musical production called Les Miserables. It was then we were under the wings of my old middle school music instructor for the rest of the year and he has done an amazing job filling in the shoes of our previous occupant. I just love saying this year was also fun going to Great America for once after so many years and had a blast after so long.

Then on top of all of this, we won some pretty bad ass trophies at Great America and got to show off some pride with the big trophies in our crappy portable classroom. We also had to move from this room to another for next year but I have hope that we'll move into the new classroom for music after a quarter of the new school year.

But I do want to say this: I love music and I hope it never, ever goes away after all I endured with my fellow classmates and pray to learn what happens next. I know I said this before but I never this year was going to tun out like this and if someone recited tall this to me in the palms of my hand, I wouldv'e laughed and move on from the fool.

Late night typings going on here '-'

2010-05-18T23:01:00.000-07:00

Went to a long choir concert and it was long. Boy, the night was young because everything that could surprise you would and did. Not much to say except it was breathtaking, literally taking because there is so many goodbyes and farewells it makes almost want to cry. Why did it happen so fast? [god dammit] This school is going to end and I am dreading it already and want to fight back so much.

Yawn yet again

2010-05-17T17:48:00.000-07:00

It is a final week of school and the countdown begins. Now i'm starting to think that writing a list of summer reading books now would be good. If only my mind wasn't numb from school! Well, i'm trying to focus on the good and say that at least i'll have time to write[?] something for once after all this repetitionous school, school, school! But getting high off how close school is ending, I just can't wait to get yearbooks and scream for the end to come near!

Sunday News reporting to YOU

2010-05-16T11:45:00.000-07:00

Well good morning to all. This is news from station I have no clue and like to report on how close to the end of the school is going to end in less than two weeks. Ironically, many kids are leaping for joy and others are more motivated to learn more before all the school days end. It is a nice, subtle contrast of the school population to be excited on how the new school buildings at Tracy High School are going to be finished by the next new school year and all the performance arts classrooms are being switched around to the crappy theatre called Emma Beaumgarder or EB theatre. A theatre where the performing arts magnet ignores and books there concerts at the downtown Tracy Grand Theatre.

It is important to note that by halfway through the next semester all the kids will be able to walk through the center of school with all the finished renovations by that time. Most students are hoping for the end of renovations but by that time most are doubtful of the situation. I would like to include the forgetful ghost live to you at 11:45. Thank you.

A Wednesday

2010-05-12T18:53:00.000-07:00

Post Mother's day

2010-05-10T17:56:00.000-07:00

I am not a mall rat. For sure, I also am not part of those stereotypes that love shopping in the mall because I learned one decent thing for mother's day yesterday.[ Has it already been a day? ] The clothes made in trendy stores is three words: young. cheap, and dirty. A combination I saw again and again as I advised my sister to try on all these hideous dresses for this dance Friday. But for now, I know that I can't stand being in the malls because you feel so caged with all these people staring at you and all these clothes show off the same trends in magazines and movies. It also makes me glad that I am not part of that trendy fashion world because I know all these stupid trends will go away again and move on to something even more bizarre and ugly.

But it also gives me hope that maybe there is this underground organization of people who manage to ignore all this and keep being who they are despite all this crap being sold beneath the youth's eyes.

Update time

2010-05-07T19:51:00.000-07:00

Time is flying faster than a hiccup. Tomorrow I am going to Great America and will be gone all day long for a Saturday. I can't believe I am going after three years. Just want to remember that this trip would have never happened with all these strange incidents happening during this week and remember how it all turned to this trip. If someone had asked me a prediction of all of this happening, I wouldv'e said there is no way in hell that I would be where I am today. So I am glad that fate kind of whisked me away to this time and hope it will be great.

Well, good enough for now.

Forgetful Ghost

Almost less than a month left for school to end....jeez

2010-05-02T22:55:00.000-07:00

A spirit

Similar Shape
with the figure of an old man
invasion of some thoughts
abandoned by a war

don't be afraid to walk down the tunnel
a man will guide the way
he'll open your eyes with a blindfold
and love with the care like a father

the smile of a child
with intent of a friend
a heart of a guide to the lost
when everyone believes its the end

an angel to the bewildered
while a devil to the unfair
but meeting him caution to the wind
that makes the mark of a spirit

Oops

2010-04-26T19:44:00.001-07:00

Something to smile about for today.

Earth day-40th anniversary

2010-04-22T19:04:00.000-07:00

If there was one image of how nature should be symbolized, it should be the ever present, so innocent fawn. The baby deer shows unbelievable hope and regeneration of nature after year and year. I also thought about how the earth was such a fragile place with its balance.

It also made me hopeful.

Magical thinking

2010-04-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

I love testing but I detest it too. It is testing at my school and this whole week classes are shortened to twenty to thirty minutes of regular classes after having over an hour to two hours of sitting in one classroom. It is very annoying because after sitting in one single classroom for so long one wants to flee especially when the weather has been wet and windy. An unholy combination when their is construction is in the way of your classes to begin with. It seems like unnecessary torture. Lord have mercy....(Jesse quote.....)

But overall, music has pulled me out of the net of doom yet again. I have been saved with the chance of going to the Great America for a music competition which means one whole Saturday of living in Milpitas High School to obliterate other bands with our brilliant sounds of music and strategy. Mwa ha ha.

Yes the plan is good. Then to top if off, after performing, I get to spend all day and almost night to ride all these roller coasters until I want to puke. Then feast off the greasy foods to barf after all the riding of the rides. Indeed, a mixture of greed, thrills, and music mixed to the perfect temperature until all is said and done.

Did I mention earth day is tomorrow? I want to express how I love this planet through dressing and wear a headband around my hair until it hurts.

Sunday Morning

2010-04-18T16:23:00.000-07:00

Today is a very resourceful day. I had to endure hours of homework this morning while the weather was the best its been since last year. I had to sit inside, miserably while the sun's rays teased me outside to go out and play. Oh I wanted to but homework would not let me go. It was a tragedy of many proportions. But I managed to finish when I decided to listen to "Julie and Julia" during the time. Hmmm... it didn't help the few hours of time I used to finish everything.

But anyways, I have been inspired to write more in this silly little blog and write what I see on a daily basis. I will try and try to inspire people who inspire me as I look at their words, wonder about their creative images, and be green with envy on their power to be brutally honest on the evils of the internet. It makes me wonder how the blogs on this website manage to remain the same day to day when their is so many changes in the day as people write as I blog.

I also found that gardening is very healing. After finishing homework, I went to the store with my mom to find all these wonderful plants in Walmart. Oh yes, the smell of dirt and aromas of flowers wafted in our noses as we discovered all these daises, pansies, and bushels of grass and shrub. I dreamt of eating all these juicy fruits from all these growing trees: navel oranges, limes, and lemons. I also loved seeing these raspberry, blackberry, and blueberry plants were blooming little white flowers in place of the fruits. They were beautiful.

Once we returned home, I never realized the power of planting. We planted this lovely tomato plant in a faux terra cotta pot and felt the awesome pull of being needed. It made me think of how plants are the ones that need the love and it only needs you. It's a wonderful feeling of being needed by a plant that gives back.

Dances with Wolves

2010-04-17T19:06:00.000-07:00

The image of a Native American strikes me as very beautiful. While watching "dances with wolves" this morning, I thought about how Native Americans have never really got the real apologies of what they deserve after being told how to live their lives and be assimilated into the North American culture. It seems rather unfair that these had to move from their grounds and adapt like animals, then being treated like animals once the white man had moved into the picture. I wouldn't want to remove my children and make them forget what they were supposed to. Then the government makes you live on these reservations, ignoring completely when you are taken away your rights and your freedoms.

I know I am ranting but I would scream at the top of my lungs if I had that coming to me. It also makes me appreciate the Native American culture with all its individual tribes that were spread across the land and I am sorry you were forced off where you were supposed to be. If only there was someway to document everything that has happened to you guys and serve justice again. If only there was a way.

Lovely substance that can break with one word

2010-04-16T16:44:00.000-07:00

Truth about today.... well being silent is like a game. You have to keep moving, interpret your words into a new language of gestures and hand movements. School was a day of silence and silence it was. I never thought so many would do this but people did and kept silent until the end of 3:02. Then we were all released to speak our minds. Thoughts to say about this.

It was truly a day of standing up. I felt so lost at moments of the day. I kept repeating don't talk several times until it was a natural sense to nod your chin and shrug your shoulders off. It was a day full of surprises, nodding to the end of a crazy week. I am happy to say thank god the day is over. I couldn't believe what people go through everyday in their normal lives, facing all these ignorant people, separated by their arrogance and closed hearts for change. I only hope in the coming years, things will change if people could learn and see with their eyes instead of live selfishly with their iphones or nintendos or internet at the touch of their palms.

It makes me think how maybe the next future generations will the way as we are. Will they learn from our states of stupidity? I mean would people understand what we doing to help the cause and understand 100 years later like we have to with the constitution and the Declaration of independence? Will they understand the significance of President Obama be elected for president? Will the new young people remember the millions of people who are unemployed and living in a sea of debt?

I guess what I am basically saying that this year is a time for decision and I wonder what will happen. It is a wonderful thing that we can keep moving and yet fear away the simple things such as inequality in pay and forget our origins in space.

Discovering a purpose a few days ago

2010-04-15T20:08:00.000-07:00

Just recently, I remembered that tomorrow will be a day of silence meant to bring "attention to the silence faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people and their allies". I will participate because I truly believe that there are people who deserve the same rights and treatment as any straight person. It brings me closer to how close young adults nowadays have no clue about the issues in the world, only believing how there world is so secluded by the ignorant. The organization who organized this day also shows how people are trying to erase the image of the ignorant teen and I want to do that as well support everyone who is silent.
I'm also kind of nervous about this. I mean no talking at all......It is going to be interesting tomorrow. I've heard that a few hundred or so students will be doing this and I hope that do not brake their oath. Then I hope I won't break it because I want to stick to my goal and do it. I guess in the morning, i'll find out.

J.M. Barrie-

2010-04-13T22:22:00.000-07:00

"Life is a long lesson in humility."

Spring break

2010-04-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

I don't know how a week can pass and I was not updating my blog at all. But this week disappeared from my eyes and I am kinda pissed at how I wasted my time and not go anywhere with my financial situation but I will try to state the good.

I bought a shirt for six bucks from Kohl's
downloaded music, mostly soundtrack music but music nonetheless
practiced my music instruments almost everyday for an hour or more; never skipping unless I was away for most of the day
I have been writing down a story and it is a good twenty pages long, meaning good because my handwriting is miniscule
I saw Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland; it was okay, not amazing as I hoped to believe
watched the Terminator
visited Grandma's and found all these fabulous treasures of the twenties in Niles
I slept at least nine hours each day; oh it felt good

There are probably more reasons but the anticipation of time passing by and only seven weeks are left for school to end; i'm so freaking excited. School is almost over and I want to scream HOORAY!

A Servant

2010-04-05T13:05:00.001-07:00

diamond covered eyes

roasted chestnut brown hair

dressed in a suit and blackened tie

is lovely Professor Astaire

within university brown

in his classes, studying horticulture

harboring a secret he had known

that cause him six years of torture

until an accident between him and a student

he lived to meet a maiden so small

her name Ivie Lament

who Astaire tripped in Emerald Hall

they visited a little jazz club, unaware of his harm

he found her dead in the women's bathroom

her body disappeared in his arms

carrying her back to the land of gloom

a servant to her majesty, the queen

to save a life to live another

to carry them in between

until he cannot live a year another

Loving endings

2010-03-30T21:36:00.000-07:00

Lately I have loved the end titles of movies and I can't get them out of my head. Then I don't know what else to do but live with it and sing aloud all these songs that evoke a haunting, a memory, the past, and the future.

Why does it that music does this for the human mind?

Is it because we hear things more than we can see? Or absorb music at such a rate that the mind cannot comprehend?

Whatever it is, I heard music in my head all day long like the radio. It swirls around my noggin until I could scream.

Many wishes to you, Ehrich Weiss, happy 136th birthday

2010-03-24T22:08:00.000-07:00

He was born as Ehrich Weiss March 24, 1874, dying that way on October 31, 1926, murdered on the spot some feel.

No matter if he was or not, he's gone.

Here's a smile for Tuesday

2010-03-23T16:59:00.001-07:00

Ladybug

2010-03-19T23:20:00.000-07:00

Well today certainly does not feel like a Friday because I have this pull to stay up to do homework instead of going to sleep.

But anyway, today after school, while I was walking from my seventh period class to the front of the school, this bright red ladybug had appeared on my books and it was crawling across it like magic. It was having its own party in the warm California sun for a change. I even saw the Ladybug cuddle in a corner of my papers until I finally paid attention to people passing by me. I believe that was the first ladybug I have seen for years because I forgot they even existed for a second while staring wide eyes with amazement to the little creatures.

Then the little red gem disappeared again in a quick wisp and was gone just like the whole school year had.

Happy St. Patrick's day[;)

2010-03-17T01:11:00.000-07:00

It would just be sooo cool to find one. Exhausted but quick week again, I need to go to bed. But I do want to mention that technically 'yesterday', my 'substitute' music teacher had used a thick, wooden yardstick as a conductor's baton and the image still makes me laugh. I could hardly play after a moment like that.

I hope more moments like that will arrive. Wear green today or embrace the pinching wars with those little leprechauns!!

100 Years of Solitude: Colonel Aureliano Found Poem

2010-03-13T09:31:00.000-08:00

The first human being in Macondo

with a fearless curiosity, in his mother's womb

born with his eyes open

a glow of clairvoyance, silent and solitary

A childish voice answered his call

a little gold fish in workshop

harsh pieces of parchment expressed with no beginning or end

in his sedentary life

Sympathized with Liberal attitude

playing dominoes with his father in law

fighting his pride that of a mythical warrior

his authority woke up an inner coldness

Older, wearer, and more solitary than ever

lost in his direction of power

calling for a blanket

paler, lonelier, and acquired nostalgia

A metallic hardness painted with a piece of cotton dipped in iodine

then can have his eternal mug of bitter coffee

seveneen sons hunted like rabbits

s blind and directionless rage to limits of atonement

Yawn

2010-03-06T12:40:00.000-08:00

Hmmmm....

Where to start?

Well, this first week of March felt like a cyclone because almost everyday I didn't get home until 5 or 6 or 7 o'clock because of this musical my school happens to be part of and because I am probably one of the rarest oboe players in my town, I was doomed to play part of the musical: Les Miserables.

I thought it would be hell. It was but it also became interesting because halfway through the week, on Thursday, the day of a concert, my conductor was suspended out of nowhere for something school officials have not told his classes except that my old middle school teacher, Mr. Renner, will be here on our teacher's behalf and sight-read everything on the day of our concert and doing our fundraiser for today.

I think that's alot to take in but I was just in shock how fate sort of whisked things into a new order of things. It makes me wonder if March will survive. It's odd and mad how much more fun it seems though with Mr. Renner taking control of all these things coming out all of a sudden.

But, in all due respect to my High School conductor, it is fun with him at school. I forgot how much fun it is once you are much more relaxed and ready to survive a week of hell.

Last Day of February

2010-02-28T17:42:00.000-08:00

Where did the time go again?

I swear time is slipping through my fingers faster they our minds. Well, I have found out on innersparks.us site that the acceptance letters will arrive in May. Almost exactly two months from now. Nowadays, I guess I will have to live underwater until then. Man two months seem so short now because I had to use two months for the application. AHHHHHHHH!

In other news, I will just have to reassure vacation time in New Mexico for now.

Today, I went to Walmart and as I was being driven there, I saw the sky clear like this. I also kind of saw fields full of flowers like this except that they were much shorter. But the weather in the golden state was refreshing pre-spring like with the birds singing in the morning at the return of life.

Relief is a blessing on your shoulders

2010-02-23T22:49:00.000-08:00

To say it quickly, I had my application sent today and I now awaiting for the rejected/acceptance letter for the art school in Southern California. I can't wait....

To sum up some events as fast as possible:

I had a concert this Sunday playing in Lodi and it was wonderful. The acoustics of the Square Theatre. I also learned today that I was photographed on an article for a Stockton newspaper and everyone could see me. Good thing I live in Stockton. I was playing the card game, crazy eights with some friends backstage before we performed minutes after.

Sending in the application has relieved me.

I love music and I don't want it to go away. Oh I have missed music so much.

Plus watching the olympics has made me crazy to watch more. So far, I have watched events and rounds in mogul, figure skating, line skating, and some sort of ski racing, something I don't know it's called but it was called.

Valentines falling off the cliff sounds good to me

2010-02-14T14:15:00.000-08:00

What I make of today is.....well disappointment.

The reason I say this on such a day spent on candy devouring and flower sniffing is because a few weeks before I had made a promise inside my head is that I would get everything done for my applications but I couldn't.

It's killing me that I have this one teacher's recommendation on hold and I can't get it until Tuesday and I want REAL bad.

So today is a day of disappointment and i'm in a sour mood already, cursing at this holiday and learning from other schoolmates that it is single awareness day.

Sometimes, love stinks. I agree to that.

An ill excuse for an ill girl

2010-02-09T20:06:00.000-08:00

I'm sick.

I have bronchitis again after four months of being diagnosed it before.

Now, I had two nights of wheezing like a rubber duckie and I hope that it will end tonight because I went to the Doctor's and he gave medicine to make me feel better.

Then I skipped school because I couldn't stand the thought of coughing and wheezing through seven hours of class. Oh well...

The good news is I have everything for the summer school application!!! Yah! Good has triumphed over evil again!

More effort please!

2010-02-03T21:11:00.000-08:00

I am not very good at this blogging stuff but I want to make an effort to write something significant in this blog. I swear on oath, promise. Hands c r o s s e d over my heart. So I will.

Today I have learned the birth of music through Alejo Carpentier, a wonderful writer who has taught me it is possible to write descriptions of music. Music is able to be written through the ears of the listener and the listen will tell the unsaid words of the story. My English teacher has noted that Carpentier is a master of style in his writings of North America and Latin America. She also suggest how his style is able to convey ideas of what civilization is and what it was to be.

But I love how his main character, an unnamed narrator, is able to discover the very beginnings of music being born in the h e a r t of the Latin American Jungle.

First i'll say that the story is of this character, also a musician, who flees from his safe and boring life in a city in New York City and escapes to find these ancient music instruments to Latin America with his mistress. During his trip in the Latin American country, the narrator finds himself attracted to the ideas of the country and discovers that he loves the place. So far, he travels into the jungle for the instruments when he discovers how music was truly discovered.

Basically, music born when a shaman among man others like him had spoken chants for a dead corpse. It is this scene of seeing an Indian shaman mourn for a corpse that the narrator sees that music was a device to fight against death until we could no longer could.

In a way, I believe its true.

The month meant for love

2010-02-01T21:02:00.000-08:00

The first time I have been able to sit at a computer and take time to right without any hesitance and it feels good. I never thought time would be so precious.

First, I want to be happy that its February and I can't wait to share my plans. I found this summer art program where I would stay in Southern California for six weeks from June 6- July 9. I also found out that you need an application that needs to pass through and if you get in, you get to hone your techniques in the subject you want to apply. Guess what I want to do?

Well...? If you guessed animation, then yes you are a winner! I want to apply in animation because I want to make animated movies so bad and become this huge icon like Pixar or at least work at the company. I've always wanted to help make pictures move by my own and learn about the process. I knew then that this program would facilitate my destiny towards a road I want to run on. But I have to do all this before February 27 and have two teacher applications and it must be done.

At school, I become more anxious for my application because I need everything filled out and sent in the postmark in time. AHHHH! Deadlines! Today was the worst because when I was filling out a piece of paper for English, I realized it was the first day of February and I need all done.

For the month of love, I sure don't feel it with all this application pressure....

Last day of January Already?

2010-01-31T11:16:00.000-08:00

These cards are so intricate. I remember when I was little, I also drew my own set of cards and play my own games and predict fortunes. It was simple, drawing them with washable markers and a ball point ink pen. Then, I remember in my middle school years, predicting people's fortunes when I knew the fortunes were fake because only you can make them true or false. Sometimes, I wish they were without our input.

In my English class, I learned that it has been a great debate in literature whether we control our fates or are our faults. In Oedipus Rex, I observed that when Oedipus' father had tried to avoid his fate when he learned that his son would murder him from the predictions of an oracle had led Oedipus to avoid his fate as well from his "father" and murder his real father without knowing. Confusing as it was, it happened and oedipus had children with his mother on top of it all.

"Evil is just good that had gone insane."

2010-01-09T15:55:00.000-08:00

I was watching a movie that had this profound story intertwined with this and I love it. I have learned that this story is about a man who wants to rid the evil within himself and their is a point in this novella that spoke to me like a song. The phrase about "evil is just good that had gone insane" is genius because it is true. Man is evil because he forced against it in nature. Over time, generation to generation, I have seen evil manifest itself and has always been part of us. It also reveals sympathetic perspectives when you listen to the last chapter by Robert Louis Stevensen. Reading the careful scientific observations of Mr. Jekyll broke my heart to hear that evil had taken over in the end and he died because of it.
I mean i'm trying to say that Stevensen is trying to show evil does lurk but it our choice to do something about it.

A new decade into 2000, WOW

2010-01-01T20:47:00.000-08:00

To start off the first day of a new year, I would like to say for me it was uneventful but in the last few hours of the old year, I felt an awakening and it was like my own enlightenment. I am also so happy people are beginning to notice this blog! (Smiles to herself, what a good start to a very abused blog) Anyway, I felt myself recalling the goods, the bads, and the uglies of the year 2009 and it had me waiting. And I declare this year that I will fight to the death to do everything in my power to take opportunities and take risks even if i'm shaking inside. I will hold my head high against anything I see. My dreams will deposit my future. My ideas will form. My voice will take shape and become. I know this year will be good and I can't wait.

(A new poem for the first day)
[Paper Lantern]
I've left for a previous engagement
absence of color, dry to blue
sleep thanks me for the warning shots
strings devour the prints of white

Clouds crowd, the future untold
all there remains is pieces of glass
tiles on boys and ribbons on girls
somewhere I could hear

Paper lantern, please light my way
chances are pretending to weep will not work
somewhere in time is a summons

A few more days til new year

2009-12-30T17:53:00.000-08:00

   I dream of having a tea party in the new year of 2010. I would invite all my friends to a lake outside, finding all the chairs and odd end tables for my marvelous feast. I imagine this all being organized with cute little invitations created by moi, pasting lace on them and writing in curly cue writing. Once I gave them their invites, I would whisper in all their ears that they would dress up as a certain character from literature.
   This would be inspired from this movie I watched all by myself at midnight called The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and believe that each characters from literature are the best. I feel sympathy for Dr. Jekyll /Mr. Hyde especially and adore the elegance of Mina Harker.
   Anyways, I would tell everyone a hint that the themed party would be literature yet be sure to dress as a late eighteenth century idea for the tea party. Emphasis with the "hint". At this party, I would hire a string quartet to play pieces by Mozart and such to entertain and set atmosphere at the beautiful sunset that accompanies the party. I would fill the tables with tons of tea pots and antique cups and plates dressed as a dignified Alice or something, filling them gladly. As the host, I would give advice to my colleagues and reveal thoughtful gifts for my guests from my series of notebooks I keep in my drawers.
   In the end, I would begin the party at three o'clock in the afternoon and end it at twelve o'clock at midnight. I would entertain my guests with a willing magician who would reveal sleight of hand tricks and reappearing rabbits out of his hat. The whole time preparing them for nighttime with a beautiful light show with the lanterns lit up with them. After 12:01, I would thank them for coming and hoped they enjoyed themselves, giving them a manual typed up letter to thank them with pretty words of poetry. But after everything was cleaned and everyone went safely home, I would hope to go to bed satisfied at a splendid day.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T08:55:00.000-08:00

Finally it's Christmas. Merry Christmas to all! I didn't think it would come so quickly because I still remember what happened last Christmas. Where did all the time go? When did it become so close to the end of the year 2009? So much to do so little time!!!
Well, for Christmas it's just family at the house. This year no Los Angeles, no new year party or yummy new year soup for good luck for the new year. No Disneyland visits like last year but i'm good with that because last year crowds and crowds of people stayed in Disneyland and the squished tightness feeling remained with me after I left months later. The park was so busy that people had to be turned away in the middle of the day and people who left the park couldn't go back in at all. The rides were always crowded with people from all around the world, strollers lined nearby exits and park benches. It wasn't a fun experience waiting in lines for an hour to an hour and a half. The fun was sucked out of everyone when they had to wait. Yes I remember 60% of the time was waiting in line and wanting to leave the park altogether.
But I do miss it. I miss remembering Disneyland was a place for children and adults to spend time together peacefully. Walt Disney made this park to do so and money-grubbing associates who make money as their only option destroy this. If I were in their position, I would throw myself out the window because Walt Disney would do so if he were alive. But Christmas reminds me of all this, so happy holidays.

A little love in 30 seconds

2009-12-16T18:29:00.000-08:00

I wanted to cry today because Roy Disney died from stomach cancer today. I feel like the rest of the remaining pixie dust of Disney died with him.

Remember, remember, remember

2009-12-11T20:48:00.001-08:00

Ah-Black Friday

2009-11-27T16:12:00.000-08:00

Those tattoos make her seem more magical and chimerical all spun into one.

lalalalala lalalala

lalalalala lalalala lalalala

lalalala lalalalala lalalala

lalalala lalalala lalalala

lalalalala lalalalala

Another work day for these guys

2009-11-25T21:37:00.000-08:00

Lewis Hines, one of my favorite photographers now a days.

What could be going through your minds at such astounding heights?

Almost Thanksgiving.........so soon again!

Welcome to the circus

2009-11-22T15:53:00.000-08:00

The world is the show.

sad

2009-11-16T15:44:00.000-08:00

Will you marry me?

2009-11-15T22:07:00.000-08:00

She certainly looks happy.

Psyche ever after

2009-11-12T19:22:00.001-08:00

Beautiful, simply beautiful.

I wish my hair could do this

2009-11-08T18:43:00.000-08:00

Rest in peace

2009-10-19T10:07:00.000-07:00

Man, being sick is not fun. Especially when you are a good student and did all your work! Of all days, I am ill on a short day, Monday morning. I had suffered a fever for two days and body pangs so no school today. At the moment, I believe I might have the flu but i'm not sure.....

Also had my birthday happen about.... 5 days ago and now I am officially seventeen. For my birthday, I got these gorgeous kits full of charcoal and pastels.

Berkeley

2009-09-27T14:06:00.000-07:00

Did I spell that right? Anyway, yesterday, went to Berkeley to get some new goodies, and if you are not a band nerd you wouldn't get it and it makes me giggle. I got a nice, new Manhasset stand for music and its all MINE!!! Then my Dad, Emily, and I went over to Berkeley University and visited all these wonderful and mysterious shops. We visited the University's union store, book store, and school supply store. The school was all busy, bustling with students and people from Downtown.

Emily and I also bought these beautiful handmade bracelets while visiting the Telegraph street. It was great. When walking downtown, seeing the shops and people going in every direction, I felt like Dorothy visiting Emerald city, humming a few bars of the optimistic voices as they ran through the field of poppies and heard the sounds of "One short day" literally screaming in my skull. I also found this awesome Buddy Holly cd that made me want to giggle like a little girl all the way home.

So yesterday was pretty good.

Teddy bears

2009-09-20T19:45:00.000-07:00

I miss teddy bears because they remind me how important they are to kids. It makes me believe everyone still has one attached to them.

MY secret garden

2009-09-13T18:21:00.001-07:00

One day, I just want to run away, open the lock, and stay in a garden for hours, drawing with all my heart's desire.

Oh, Charlie

2009-09-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

I really wish I could.

Eight years ago...

2009-09-11T22:27:00.000-07:00

I remember that day. I was eight years old, on vacation visiting a cousin, an Aunt, and an Uncle. We were in Denver. That day , I was the only one asleep as everyone watched the tv screen, asphyxiated with two burning buildings. I remember being so angry at everyone in the basement because no one woke me up and told me what was happening. I only remember being angry with that and leaving our only cat home in California, remembering how any airplanes could attack and fall right on our house, killing her as easy as the twin towers.

How stupid of me.

Imagine

2009-08-30T18:36:00.000-07:00

A tower surrounded by aged, grotesque gargoyles hunched into forms of fear and sin as they are accompanied by ethereal figures of angels holding them upward to the sky. Then follow the winding trail of angels in mid-flight heading north to help a corner of the tower where a balcony was built to hide away anyone willing to take the fifty stair flight and stay all night. Waiting for hours, darkness captured the curiousity of stars, millions of them, willing to admire the attention of planets and moons when they see that a little, primitively built cot was placed in the balcony, high from the powers of reality and senseless curse of stress and forgetfulness.

Yes this tower was created for battle yet nowadays is used to soothe the ghosts of the past and remain as a remnant for the future. It also had a beautiful view of the rivers that flooded every season, protecting its occupant from rain and weather. But it held a shelf, holding books and secrets. It also is the place I wish to be.

The Devil's Sweets=Smoking is bad

2009-08-23T18:36:00.000-07:00

The Devil’s sweets

This afternoon

I waited too soon

and let you in a secret

I hope you can keep it

I saw you sucking on the devil’s sweets

like a chocolate treat

if Dracula were around

it would make a sound

that would make the transformation complete

Don’t go

Don’t ignite the flame

Don’t spread the blame

Don’t wait

Why don’t you hesitate..

Anymore?

Like a vampire you sucked it in like a drug

don’t even come to give me a hug

because you’ve already left for the devil’s sweets

instead of me, you go to those chocolate treats

You are the spawn of Satan

Hell is your only safe haven

because you’ve tasted the devil’s sweets

your transformation is complete.

I need to organize my thoughts one of these days...

2009-08-15T20:31:00.000-07:00

Well, how can I start? Right now, after the first week of school, there I said it!, the verdict is it's going to suck real bad because 1. Half the school is being renovated so students have to be on this 'super highway' where there is only on way in and out of school like a highway, 2. Because of reason 1, there are no lockers to hold all of our heavy books and since we have not enough books, the students have to carry them from 1 period to 6. My arms ache already from day 1, holding my new U.S. history book all day and 3, I HATE SCHOOL!

Besides that, I am trying hard to write out my thoughts and vent but I can type oh so slowly as my brain travels a million miles an hour. But I am working on it. Like, I need to make my writer's voice clear like a bell because on paper it is so easy to organize thoughts in the way I can. I can mold it, control it, whatever and blogging seems so much harder than it is as I read the thoughts of hundreds of others, telling things about their lives. But my thoughts suck, really, really bad. To say it bluntly.

I also am trying to write in my two blogs more religously but i'll see how it goes.

Summer overview

2009-08-10T20:52:00.000-07:00

I've realized that summer is so close to over. I am so sad. But I want to overview that this summer was not a waste. It was not! But this poor blog had been neglected for a while because I was just relaxing, hanging with friends, not really, and doing stuff that doesn't require alot of effort. But for an overview of what I did for my summer of 08-09, in my incoming junior year, I want to write everything out. Leave a little memory of what I did.

I did dance class for five weeks, getting my ass yelled at by her royal highnee, attended art classes for summer school, learned i'm pretty good at art after all, getting a 98.9 something or rather, visited my grandmother many times, and enjoyed being lazy up to my eyeballs.

But I also want to set up a goal for this blog what should I do?

More photos

2009-08-05T20:53:00.001-07:00

Oh, lovely little children.

2009-07-31T11:59:00.000-07:00

An ode to summer reading

2009-07-26T16:47:00.000-07:00

Goodbye and good luck to ya!

For me, I had finally finished summer reading.

I had read about 748 pages and now won't read it again 'til school starts.

But I had read:

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Sosphocles : The Oedipus Cycle[ w/ Oedipus Rex, Oedipus at Colonus, and Antigone]

and lastly, The Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

The funny thing is that in all these books, at least one person dies. Funny? [no, it's not SHUT UP]

But i'm content with this photo of Oedipus with his gouged eyes out. I thught it perfectly fits Emily's mood on her summer reading. Doesn't it scream agonizing emotion?

So long summer reading and good luck to that!